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Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo. 

 COMPETITIVE SALARY: 
 We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. 

 JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: 
 We have no time to train you. 

 CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: 
 We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well; a couple of the
 real daring guys wear earrings. 

 MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: 
 You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. 

 SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: 
 Some time each night and some time each weekend. 

 DUTIES WILL VARY: 
 Anyone in the office can boss you around. 

 MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: 
 We have no quality control. 

 CAREER-MINDED: 
 Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). 

 APPLY IN PERSON: 
 If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. 

 NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: 
 We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality. 

 SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: 
 You'll need it to replace the three people who just left. 

 PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: 
 You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. 

 REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: 
 You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

 GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: 
 Management communicates, you figure out what they want and do. 

 I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: 
 I've used Microsoft Office. 

 I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: 
 I pilfer office supplies. 

 MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: 
 I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. 

 I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: 
 I blame others for my mistakes. 

 I'M PERSONABLE: 
 I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. 

 I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: 
 I carry a Day-Timer. 

 I AM ADAPTABLE: 
 I've changed jobs a lot. 

 I AM ON THE GO: 
 I'm never at my desk